Covered  5/2/13

In a shadow
Waiting for a clearing

Passing time we tire
Clarity awaits

Following clouds
Linger and hover above

Morning or midnight
The sun does exist

Storms brew
Suffocating humidity

Trudging on
Convinced of tomorrow's light

Independence....it holds a lot in it's meaning. One could apply its definition to ways of thinking, doing, handling, coping.....The freedom to make a decision entirely on one's own. Not HAVING to but having the choice to.

"What do you do?"

My husband was born, raised, and grew up in our small town where we live.  I on the other hand had lived in several towns.  He works at a prominent company that employs a good portion of our town's community members.  I don't.  He's well known and he knows a lot of people.  We frequently attend community events, go to company dinners and parties, and quite commonly see people he knows during simple trips to the store.  It's been almost 15 years since I've lived here and even though I've accumulated many "associations" it still amazes me what legacy (little legacy) my husband possesses.

There's those predicaments, those awkward pauses when whoever he's re-associating himself with at the time, the person will turn towards me and ask (as if there's no other question they can come up with); "So, what do you do?"  I can honestly tell you I haven't yet mastered this comeback.  Replying: "I'm a housewife" still struggles to sound dignified.  "I stay home with the kids" for most people doesn't suffice.  But it occurred to me that I should attempt to answer these gnawing, poor judgement minded people by quite simply saying; "I grow things".  As if our self worth is based solely on "what we do?'.  Well, maybe it does.....but is it really the correct question to choose to ask when meeting someone for the first time? 

What we do.  How we reap life's benefits.  What we do with our job in life and how well we do it.  Do we take pride in our accomplishments?  Are our intentions true and just?  Do we value our minds and choices given?  Yes, what I do with my life is important.  I value, I treasure my role.  I enjoy my life and relish all the good and even the bad...afterwards  Are we proud of how we handle challenges and do we overcome them?  Do we appreciate what God has given us and how do we use Him in our lives?  Despite being proud of what I do, it's the task of explaining and conveying it in a way that another would adequately measure the same as I - that is a chore. 

So, the next time when that person for some reason sincerely (or not so sincerely) wants to know "what I do"....I'll simply reply; "I grow things."  If they proceed to ask and really want to know exactly what I grow I'll go on to tell them;  "Oh you know, lots of things.....children, animals, plants, minds, hearts, values, morals,...."

OVERTHOUGHT 6/12/12

Restlessness perseveres

Time consumes more than mind.

Retire the binding thoughts

That remind of the unforgotten.

We race against reason

Controlling theories and assumptions.

Tune out the lurking critic;

Admit to nothing.

Insomnia prevails

For the heart is loud.

Twisted rationale

Blinds realism.

Our vulnerable state

Fails to control yesterday.

THE DAY IS JUST AS MUCH MINE....

AS IT IS YOURS.

So, maybe I'm currently having an internal battle with my inner green eyed monster.  The two of us battle for "time" on occasion.  Envy is not a complimentary attribute so I normally try to avoid having it shine through.  However, there are times when I feel "the day" is not mine.  It is everyone else's.  My day evolves around other people that are around me.  Kind of a warped solar system.  Maybe I'm an odd, unique planet or a moon.

I lose continuously to the game of owning the day.  Between preparing for someone else's event or trip and organizing everyone else's schedules my time is defined by the fragments and crevices that fit (and sometimes don't fit) within those times.

I'm all about giving and selflessness.  I believe you've got to give to even appreciate receiving.  But, sometimes, sometimes....I'd like to be planned around, accommodated to, and be given a day all my own (without the guilt).

Dear Free Spirit,

Life isn't always about floating around, sometimes we need to use our own feet to walk.  Sometimes you have to know where you're going beforehand so that you don't fly headfirst into a brick wall.  And sometimes you have to acknowledge that you're not entirely "free".  Keeping your independent side in balance without losing your sense of honesty nor your humble heart may require the hardest form of self discipline while accomplishing the tasks of life.

The Gift of Life

To watch a movie, in a theatre, just the two of us, alone, is a rare occasion. The rare priviliage presented itself last night. A movie that has trickled into my daily email news-feeds that had touched on a particular passionate topic of mine. I'm acknowledging the movie not to make a political arguement but an excuse to explain my moral stance.

My husband and I took advantage of the limited available viewing of the unfortunately controversial, pro-life movie; "October Baby"................

I am constantly aspiring to find those hidden lessons in life. Aspiring to grow spiritually, closer to God. This film offers a lesson; a raw perspective from an innocent victim. She was never asked her life's value from the one who attempted to steal it. The thief happened to be her birth mother. The value of life is a constant challenge in our crumbling society to defend and debate. It's hard to look life in the eye and defy it. I dare one to try. Without first acknowledging who gave you the gift of life in the first place, you're left with doubting the importance. While incorporating life's importance, the story confronts the truth of consequences and reveals the awards of applying these truths to our lives while applying the power of forgiveness.

I walked away from this movie with a lesson; "If you can forgive, you can let go and can move forward." and to "judge the sin and not the sinner".

If you step away from selfishness and pride, this will enable you to step toward clarity and insight. An open and forgiving heart can also provide you with peace and acceptance. Sin can do many things. Some short lived things and some life changing. But to acknowledge the sin, forgive the sin, and move forward (or work through it) with God on your side.  Attempting to do it any other way would be impossible.

May we all keep our hearts open to lessons, preserve the gift of life, stay true to God, and to his guidance.