What a blend of sweet and sour ~ here I have an amazing gift given to me - a newborn daughter, and I'm so preoccupied with sleep and free time. Those drilling comments by others; "I loved this stage." and "I can't get enough of holding babies.", and "You should really enjoy this time." - do they really remember or am I just a heartless, unappreciative, good for nothing mother!? I'm so preoccupied with looking forward to when she's older and when things will be "easier" that I'm plagued with quilt that I'm missing the here and now.

So, like chugging something sweet and sour, I'm in a constant hurry of juggling my free time while attempting to give equal time to my other kids. Convincing myself all the while that I'm not neglecting them or loving them any less if I let them watch tv just...a....little...bit....longer. Maybe I should slow down, I know I should - sip a bit more often.

Guilt, guilt, and more guilt racks my brain. That sour part of it all makes me squint but I manage to catch my breath and have a free moment. The birds do start singing and once again I feel honky dory. The confidence manages somehow to seep back into my veins. I guess it's the three o' clock in the morning feelings I should avoid hearing. I don't think the birds sing that early anyway.

So, refueling on the sugar,I take a deep breath everytime she naps and I re-appreciate what's been given to me. Remembering that this doesn't last forever and my load gets a little lighter each day (well, maybe every couple of days...). I'm hearing myself desperately and frequently pray to God, "Give me strength" and somehow it does help me take that extra step forward with that weight on my back.

So between naps, babies, and birds, I know I will make it and remember that somewhere (even when I feel like I'm the only one up) that there might just be a bird that's making some kind of "tweet".