The grass is greener....

Despite driving over 70 mph on the freeway, I couldn't help but notice this very large headed cow with it's head stuck tightly between the wires of a fence. This black headed, ear tagged, ruminant was convinced that whatever was on the other side of it's boundary was worth the risk of looking undignified. Reaching, neck stretched it was desperately trying to reach something....maybe a greener blade of grass.

It was comical yet revealing of us creatures. Ever so preoccupied with what we'd like to have but just...can't....reach.

Those times where we tend to compare our situation, our livelihood with others. Getting wrapped up in others' trophies and wanting to swap our own treasures we neglect to be thankful for - for something bigger and better.

Is it wrong to want more? I was once told that very rarely are your choices wrong if it doesn't threaten your relationship with God. Now, there's a tricky concept to apply. Us humans have become very good at justifying our wants. There's a thin line that deciphers what motivates us. Even then we can be swayed by our "selfish needs" than a true need.

So, what was empowering that pathetic cow? His appetite, or his eye for quality chow? Perhaps it was the mere drive of survival.

Borrowed Time

Caught up in my daily chores, I can't help but feel like I'm continually asking "time" for favors. Timing my tasks in between life's demands and anticipations. I attempt to fit in all of the day's (my) goals within a certain time period. It occurred to me that the concept of "borrowed time" could easily be applied to how I approach daily life.

I was sweeping the crumbs under the table while planning to accomplish just a few more things before my youngest squeals and demands my attention. Rushing to get just a few more things done before my boys ask when dinner is ready. And finishing it all before my husband comes home and our busy evening begins. All I wanted was to complete what I had set out to do. Yet, all the while I was so preoccupied that at any moment something or someone was going to tell me suddenly to "STOP". Then, I'd have to reluctantly hand over my keys and pull over.

I compare those too common of moments to dreams in which I run....but very slowly. I'm having to get somewhere and I'm in a hurry but I'm in slow motion, dragging physically, but mentally I'm speeding.

I acknowledge that I can't expect for time to stop, but that doesn't prevent me from trying to beat it. Somehow I feel indebted to time, humbled by it's power. Whatever time I'm "given" seems to be unappreciated for I'm in a hurry to take advantage. Like a library book, I tend to be preoccupied with how long it's lended to me and lose the opportunity to relish the ownership. Asking time to lend me some more isn't realistic but I manage to justify my attempt to conquer it.

Despite whatever I accomplish, many moments are overlooked. I tend to be caught up in determination to finish something to notice. No matter how many completed projects and shiny floors, I need to slow down and re-prioritize my continuing struggle. To make a difference, I must approach the task at hand as if I'm accomplishing the objective in good time not borrowed time.

Mounting anger

We've all "lost it" at one time or another. Patience seems to swell and then bursts at a heightened state. I've watched people often possess this unfailing determination to keep their anger under control. And yet there are others who blow up at the slightest build up. So, where do I fit in? Believe me this is one subject I've analyzed time and time again about myself. Having been (and who I'd like to describe myself as being now) a very mild mannered person whom had been trodded on many of occasions. I've become convinced I have a lot of tolerance but not a lot of patience. Unfortunately, I tend to let things slide for awhile and reveal my disappovement when most people's defenses are down. Then BOOM I take all by surprise sometimes even myself! I guess it's my own way of standing up for who I used to be. How do we distinguish what we can justify and catagorize as regret?

Patience and tolerance.....What's the difference? Maybe there is no significant difference. I'd like to think that tolerance is easier to practice. Tolerating your environment, and people's actions. But, patience seems to require more of a personal approach. Risking emotions and playing the odds of an un-anticipated possiblity of a disappointment. I fear for myself that more things in my life will require more patience than tolerance. For if we apply patience and wait - things may work out, people come to their senses, the bad times pass...

However, I'd like to think that mounting anger results in the drive of a powerful act. A building mountain that forms into a volcano. And if we manage it well and use it in a controlled manner things get done. Points get across. And we no longer carry that growing fire that eats us up inside.

And then there are those (myself included) that lose it, hair frizzled, thier spit flying, eyes dialated, throwing in some unnecessary language, and end up sputtering until thier lips are dry. But, hey at least they don't have to carry a hot head anymore and whoever made them upset will think twice NEXT time. Justifiable? Regrets? We usually don't find out until after the explosion.